How things have changed!!!

This post has been a long time coming. A lot has happened since my last update. The ex and I are amicable again, but life here in the new house is a little rough at times and there is a new dog on the scene.

A little fox terrier bitch who I’ve called Moosie as her former owners had called her Lucy which I’m really just not into!

The lap band is gone and now so is 2/3 of my stomach, yes I went ahead and got the gastric sleeve.

All the promises of the weight just melting off me have not come to fruition as yet, due to my pain meds my head meds etc. the weight just likes to stick and it’s an uphill struggle. Don’t get me wrong I’ve lost a fair bit of weight but not what they had told me I would six months out. So I’ve come to peace with the fact that it’s going to be harder for me, harder physically, harder nutritionally, my pain levels are increasing as I get older….. my head, even though I’m getting help, things just pop up and I tend to isolate more and more these days. The more I want to bury my head in the sand the more the people who are trying to help me tell me that I need to open my eyes and deal with the shit but the more shit that comes up that I am supposed to deal with the more it depresses me and it’s a vicious vicious fucking cycle.

So today I made a choice, to walk my own path, to believe in myself and only myself, to believe that I am worthy of being loved and loving others. My relationship with my brother is slowly getting better and always my relationship with my parents is the best.

Every day I open my eyes I just have to remind myself that it’s a new day and who knows what or whom may come my way and I just need to enjoy whatever happens on that day in that moment. That is the key for my happiness, is to be present in that moment. Meditation has been key to helping me to be present in each minute…. each second. I take time out of my every day to meditate, to center, to breathe and to be present and that helps me to be present in every second of every day that I am here on this fucked up planet.

I still do have high hopes for my future. I have to, because if I didn’t, I’d already be dead.